By Ayshe-Mira Yashin
November, my first walk along the river in your absence,
I remembered how you spoke to me in Russian
and pretended that I would know what the words meant on
that day when we walked here together
and witnessed the cows having sex
The memory of this, unlike the moment itself, wasn’t funny
At the memory I didn’t laugh but slumped my shoulders
I slumped my shoulders like branches of the willow trees
November, my first walk along the river in your absence
I remembered the last time we came here with pens and notebooks and
you drew the willow trees and I drew you
(I couldn’t look away from you for long enough to draw anything else) and
you rested your head on my shoulder
and I could feel your exhales resting on my neck
The memory of this, unlike the moment itself, wasn’t lovely
At the memory I didn’t sigh in blissfulness but wept
[my weeps as the whispers of the willow trees in the wind]
November, my first walk along the river in your absence
Like the willow leaves which brushed against me
I could feel your exhales resting on my neck,
despite the fact that I was there and
you were elsewhere
I had done this before, imagining you to be there
except this time there was no touch of yours
to await
November, my first walk along the river in your absence
I retrieved the hammock from my Nicosia garden
I tied the hammock in between two willow trees
and I released my body to the hammock and felt
the willow branches brushing against me
[as your exhales over my neck]
I laid there swinging back and forth
in between the willow trees
I didn’t leave
I never left
I had decided that that was where I would wait for you,
with the willow leaves mimicking
your exhales once over my neck.
Ayshe-Mira Yashin is a 17-year-old artist and poetess from Istanbul and Nicosia, exploring themes of spirituality and Sapphic love. She recently created a Tarot deck, and is working on an illustrated poetry collection. See my shop, where she sell prints, necklaces, bookmarks, stickers, handmade notebooks and tarot cards here: https://www.ayshemira.com/the-illustration-witch-shop.
