F

For the attention of Carlow County Council

Artwork by Rachel Druett. Her profile is available in the Art & Photography section.

Till number 5 closed in Lidl today.
But that’s okay because till number 2 opened.
Phew!
Upon leaving, I intrigued myself with the handsome fellow in the car window reflection.
There I stood peering and what I saw nearing was the sight of a woman!
Wondering why I was staring at her through her car window.

Was I a killer?
Thief?
Creep?!
If only she knew
The extent of my vanity.


Promptly, I recommenced my stroll to avoid the old woman phoning the gardaí.
‘Those who hold dice are homeless now,’ I thought.
And then a “homeless man” asked me for 2 euro.
However, I did not give him 2 euro.
I wanted to keep my money.
I told myself, he’d just spend it on drugs.
But I’d just spend it on drugs.

I headed for the benches by the theatre to work.
‘It is a waste of solitude not to work,’ I thought.
I wanted to feel like an aristocrat,
Yet the homeless, drug addicts, etc, were as common as wall, almost as common as people.

After I finished at the theatre, I went to the train station and got on a train without buying a train ticket, for you don’t need a train ticket to ride in the disabled toilet.
On my way to the toilets, a lesbian sat listening to the Backstreet Boys, acting as if that was a useful way to spend her time.
‘Oh, how subjective life is,’ I thought.

Then the workers at Iarn Roidearrn thanked me for facilitating the wellbeing of them and their family by buying a train ticket (or so they thought.)
“We will shortly be arriving at Kilkenny. Thank you for travelling with Iaron Roideareann. Thank you, thanks thanks, thank you.”

I travelled 23km.
There was a 20km limit on travel imposed by the Government.

Fuck the establishment!

By Micheál Martin